I chanced upon this article "Don't Keep Saying Yes: Why you need to stop being so nice" and decided to take a look at it because so many people have been telling me the same thing. (but you see, I generally doubt articles of this "self-help" genre because many of them are based on very pragmatic / self-serving grounds) While unsurprisingly, I disagree with the article to a large extent, a small part of it speaks to me.
"Be it in my career or my relationships, I am a perpetual people pleaser, and always have been. I am so anxious to be liked that I will do or say almost anything to seek approval and avoid confrontation."
This is very true for me. I would often go all out to avoid conflicts. I remain silent even if it is evidently the wrong thing to do, or laugh off comments that I find completely inappropriate, or say "yes" to things when I actually mean a thousand "no"s in my head. I guess this has a lot to do with my family background / upbringing - an environment that deprecates differing opinions. It'll probably take a while more before I grow out of this habit.
"... the next time I am asked to do something, I should pause and ask myself if I have the time, and if I will feel upset if I do it – either at myself, or the person asking. Dr Boag gives me another pep talk, ‘Be realistic about what you can achieve, learn to say no and prioritise what’s important. Remind yourself of what you have to offer, so you’re not reliant on others for praise."
Well, not too sure if this advice will work for me but I guess the least I could do is to stand by my principles and learn to speak up for what I believe in. (Oh, and being nice is not something I will give up on - so the aim / title of the post itself goes against my principle)
Update: it's Valentine's Day tomorrow! I just had a sudden realisation that today's sharing at fellowship might have come because of V Day haha. Today's sharing wasn't exactly enlightening because they were messages that I've heard before, but it served as a reminder for me all the same - in what I am seeking in my other half, how I should treat this issue of bgr etc. Anyway, I'm spending it single and unavailable this year, and happily so! :) It's been a learning journey from my past relationships and I'm slowly able to say and trust that "God, I'll leave all this in Your hands because You have an awesome plan for me".
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Thursday, February 4, 2016
“The flower bloomed and faded. The sun rose and sank. The lover loved and went. And what the poets said in rhyme, the young translated into practice.” Virginia Woolf
If there is anything that I've learnt the past few weeks, it is the transience of life and everything that it contains: relationships, people, situations. Sometimes I find it incredibly hard to catch up with all the changes that take place. It reminds me to not place hope in worldly things because all these will eventually pass. (sounds emo, but really I'm not)
Nevertheless, I'm really thankful for the constants in my life. University has made me appreciate these sisters, brothers and the close friends I've had for many many years. I realise I've known some friends for nearly half my life and that we've watched each other grow, make mistakes and stand back up again.
I'm constantly reminding myself of my resolution to be an X even though the world is full of Y ( this is something I witness more frequently than ever in university and I'm admittedly beginning to stop looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses. It's not a bad thing, really. It just means that I am recognizing reality, but it does not mean that I will succumb to it). Sometimes I lose hope and wonder if all this is worth my effort, if I'll one day give up, but this is also a humbling experience all in all. It has been tough but I'll press on because I have an endless stream of love and joy in Him :)
Sidenote. It's mid-week already! Can't wait for CNY. I'm recovering slowly, and I've been catching up with so many old friends. Simple joys in life keep me going :)
Posted by TING TING (: at 12:21 PM