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growth / grace
Tuesday, July 4, 2017 @ 11:49 PM
"grow the f up"
As hurtful as it sounds, it got me thinking.
Growing up.
What does that entail? So that "we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves"
What's stopping me? I think everyone has different weaknesses and difficulties, which also means finding different means to remove any obstacle stopping you.
What is the solution? I can't say for sure for everyone but I know that I am taking steps to solving it. Mini steps, one at a time; crawling, climbing; surely I'll make it there.

Not really sure if this blog is serving the purpose that I started off for it to, so I shall leave it till I find a reason to continue. Till then, keep growing - in love, in truth, in wisdom and all that's good.

Lastly, sharing a song that really speaks to me right now :)
站在大海边 才发现自己是多渺小
登上最高山 才发现天有多高
浩瀚的宇宙中 我真的微不足道
像灰尘 消失也没人知道
夜空的星星 仿佛在对着我微微笑
轻声告诉我 一切他都看见了
我所有挣扎 所有软弱和跌倒
Friday, June 30, 2017 @ 11:56 PM
What exactly am I fighting for? Days like this I feel like calling it quits.
Pyrrhic victory: a victory that is not worth winning because so much is lost to achieve it
For what it's worth, I think I'd rather end the war.
Vacation (blues?)
Thursday, June 8, 2017 @ 11:25 PM
Haven't been feeling great despite it being the long vacation. I have been way too lazy and caught up in thoughts. I think I need to write, hang out with friends, go for a swim or jog, read some books and sip tea. TBH, I can't wait for work to start~

Also, I'm so in love with this song now <3 <3 the lyrics, the tune, the emotions (+ it's Coldplay)!! Ah!! I shall learn it on the piano!

oh they say people come, say people go
this particular diamond was extra special
and though you might be gone, and the world may not know
still I see you, celestial

like a lion you ran,  a goddess you rolled
like an eagle you circled, in perfect purple
so how come things move on, how come cars don’t slow
when it feels like the end of my world
when I should but I can’t let you go?

but when I’m cold, cold
oh when I’m cold, cold
there’s a light that you give me when I’m in shadow
there’s a feeling you give me, an everglow

I really can't wait for Europe. I've probably been the most diligent in checking out accommodations / transport options these days haha. I was wondering, this is such a super rare opportunity, what can I get from it? What do I want to get from it? And how can I serve God better from this trip? While I don't think that all forms of travelling are "life-changing" but I believe that if you really live the moments, you gain new lens to view the things around you. 
Thursday, March 2, 2017 @ 9:19 PM
Whew I haven't touched this blog in a while and... it feels a little foreign.

My emotions have been in a flux these days and my tears are literally 像关不紧的水龙头 ._. I felt like crying over upsetting stuff, happy stuff, memories, etc.
I was almost in tears thinking about CCS (because more schools signed up! And because I was touched at how Fio was putting in so much heart into it) and also when trying to Google Map the school I went to in China (miss, miss, miss this place so much. How can a place be of such importance to me when I've only been there for 2 weeks. I think my class has since graduated from the school and moved on to the city - hopefully)

Right now I'm more at peace. Can't wait for what the second half of this semester, the vacation and the next semester holds for me. Thankful as always.
new year new sem new me...?
Tuesday, January 10, 2017 @ 9:40 PM
Accidentally locked this blog up for way longer than I had wanted to.
Will do a proper post when I have time (and settle my laptop issue)

Cheers to a new semester! Already feeling the heat whewww
Monday, November 21, 2016 @ 12:21 AM
feeling exceptionally weak these days; really conflicted.

"go wash up your face, wipe off the dust on your shoulder and carry on the fight"
That's right, press on. Be patient with yourself. Let's go.


27 Nov
心里真的犹如打翻五味瓶 - 好辛苦、好辛苦。

Find myself turning into the exact person I told myself that I won't become: selfish, emotional, unempathetic, overly sensitive. What went wrong?
a short reflection
Friday, November 11, 2016 @ 10:42 PM
Thought it'll be good for a reflection as this semester is soon coming to an end and as I push through the last lap.

I've put in more effort this semester academically, but I can't say this same for my social and extra-curricular life - *note for next semester. I've definitely been more involved in serving at church (thank God) - whether for my group, or for other events. I've taken modules that I didn't even know I could survive in. I have found a greater interest for things happening in the world - just a little more. I begin to enjoy lessons more and find myself questioning what I'm taught. I've started to note down little sparks and lofty ideas that cross my mind instead of letting them pass. I'm more forgetful that I thought myself to be. It's like my brain is restarting the engine that has been down for a long, long time. I'm going for SEP next year. I'll probably (must?) start considering internships too. But not without a lot of prayers because I really don't know what I can and want to do for the world as of now. I've learnt that expectations are a double-edged sword - it's made me so miserable the past few months, but without it, I will always settle for sub-standard work / mediocrity. I actually enjoy family time a bit more nowadays. I have learnt to really empathize - it's not easy. Many times I've let my emotions get the better of me - very uncharacteristic of me, honestly - but I've also learnt not to conceal my emotions all the time. I've cut myself some slack these few days - instead of sinking into another panic attack - and it seems to be working much better. "Be kind to yourself", "be patient with yourself" - never found the need and hence never quite understood it till this semester. I might have have struck a poor balance between social life and alone time this semester so *note for next semester definitely. But it has also shown me who are friends whom I treasure dearly. My relationship with God has its fair share of ups and downs but I know for a fact He's always there - we may fail but He has / does / will not fail us.

Just letting things flow in my mind now and so it's a very unstructured post. With this, it's time to return to QR ^-^


"if you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden."

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