I refuse to let one insensitive and rude remark ruin my day, and so here goes:

 

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/348114246174702796/

1. JJ Lin performed at Star Awards (AHHH!!! rare fangirl moment hehe, but I've missed watching his performances. He's just SO.GOOD. singing live!)
2. I was arguably productive today
3. I learnt to place my problem before God first instead of relying on my very limited knowledge to try to fix it.
4. Despite everything, I had good moments with my family today (and I ate ma la guo with my dad - even though it really wasn't spicy at all D: I guess it's time to seek out better ma la guo!)
5. Exam week is coming! Which also means it'll end soon! And I really can't wait because there are so many other things that I want to do during the vacation. (yes, plan. I will start planning.) I initially thought that I had loads of time but looking at my schedule which is filled with camps and the study trip, it seems like a packed vacation after all. Either way, I'm thankful for it :)

With this, good night :)

Thoughts run wild.

Emotions - such a constraint at times.

I once tweeted this "One day you'll realize that you're not as strong as you've always believed, or wished, yourself to be. And that scares you." (why exactly I said that back in 2013, I can't remember though) and somehow, it rings so true today / right now.

I feel that my procrastination has seeped into other aspects of life (apart from academic) and it's honestly not wise. It reminds me of the Ted video I watched a while back - what will you do with life goals that don't have deadlines? Will you procrastinate indefinitely?

I think it's time to stop being an escapist and start being assertive. While I can say that the environment shapes who I am today (and I do truly believe in this), I guess ultimately, if I still have this voice in me, I am strong enough to change.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Yes, pray; seek and you shall receive.

Family

Had a quick read at my dear friend's blog yesterday (hi pig, yes you!) and am feeling quite happy :) Press on my dear, you are indeed very very precious.
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Haven't been in the best of moods recently and sometimes it scares me because I feel like I'm becoming the exact person whom I've always said that I wouldn't be. Perhaps it's the stress / finals / lack of sleep / PMS / all of the above, but I've always believed that these shouldn't be excuses for one to be less than nice towards others.

I can't wait for the holidays. I truly need some time reading / cafe-hopping / people watching / hiding in the library / drawing / writing / jogging / rolling in bed (ok I do this a lot even during school term tbh) / playing piano (/ travelling?)
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Anyway, thought I would share snippets of my family because I don't often talk about my parents and living in Cinnamon has made me appreciate time with them more (even though I find that with the luxury of having two "home"s, I tend to escape to either one when I face problems).

My mum. So yesterday, she asked "do you have a bit of time..?" sheepishly and I knew something was up. She wanted to me help her dye her hair (again). I would reluctant say yes every time, because professional hair services are really affordable nowadays. But you don't actually have much of a choice when she requests. Anyway, my point is: I was thinking, if my mum doesn't 认老 soon, I'll have to dye her hair even more frequently (and reluctantly haha) in the future. Then it struck me that she's getting old. I guess a reason why I don't recognize this fact as much as I should is exactly because she's always trying to look young and her petite built doesn't help either (I suppose humans are often very visual and forgetful). So, I am learning to better love her and treasure moments with her, whether good or bad.

My dad. My friends generally know that I'm closer to my dad. Through all these years, I literally might have died if he weren't around. Yesterday, he offered to fetch me to and fro Chew's birthday party (I really, really did tell him that I could go there by myself!!! But he probably thought that I'm too much of a klutz to do so x.x) Even when he dropped me off back home, I knew that it was another few hours of work before he would knock off. (Can't quite find words to express myself now) Basically, he has been my hero for the longest time ever and I can't imagine anyone else who will treat my as though I'm really a princess and I can't wait for the day when he doesn't have to work so hard anymore and I'm just very blessed.
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A very rare and wordy post from me, and rather unedited too~ Back to essay now!

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But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.   Romans 5:8

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Filled with mixed feelings today, but I think I have gotten some answers. I'm understanding why Socrates would say that thinking is not necessarily a productive process.
Anyway, my first attempt at this doodling (can't even call it typography / calligraphy yet haha) so give chance plz.

A lot more things to settle, so little time, getting kinda tired, but gotta press on.

Good Friday

Well rested day starting off at church at 8.30 a.m. (waking up at 7 a.m. was evidently too much for me ahaha, I wonder how I managed 6+ a.m. from primary school to JC) A wonderful, wonderful morning, and I was particularly happy because my parents joined me ^^

I was just listening to old songs (I mean old in my standards, like the 2007 kinda old, like the Jesse McCartney's Beautiful Soul / Just So You Know, Jason Mraz's Geek in the Pink / You and I Both kinda old) and letting Youtube run on its own. I was suddenly so overwhelmed with the bittersweet sensation of reminiscing about school days. A part of me misses those carefree days when hiding in the classroom before assembly / sneaking off to Coronation Plaza were the biggest mischief ever (guaikia96 hahaha) Nevertheless, I believe I have grown / learnt from past mistakes / become stronger through all the experiences. Everything happens for a reason :)

Time slips away so quietly and quickly that it surprises me. Ironically, it's even more necessary to faire une pause because it's easy to get caught up amidst this whirlwind. I'm learning to treasure this tiny bit of (relative more) carefree time I have and put my heart and mind into things that matter. Nobody has got time for negativity~ (and so apologies for the previous post/s)

Shall end with verses from Luke today:

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
                                                                                         Luke 23:33-34

It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.

                                                                                         Luke 23:44-46

1 a.m. thoughts

EDIT: Incoherent / meaningless / negative post ahead. Please spare yourself the trouble of reading if you are already in a bad mood.
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It's 1 a.m., and I have been up past midnight for a few consecutive days. I should be sleeping, really. But I just couldn't get rid of some thoughts and I'm too lazy to write in my diary. So this might just be one of the rawer posts you'll find on this blog. (may delete this post soon though.)

Some days I get so tired of being nice. Of giving people the benefit of doubt. Of trying to make the world a better place. Of smiling when I'm tired. Today is one of those days. Maybe not the whole day, because it's hard (for me) to stay in a constant state of pessimism towards people. But just moments. Moments when people are so unappreciative / pragmatic / self-centred. Yet this bookmark tells me "Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." (Apparently Plato said it, wowsss.) It's true, you don't know what people go through unless you step into their shoes. But you can't. (And my mind goes on and on, especially after taking Arnold's module, it's making me think more about my thinking - metacognition! Not sure if that's good though, I might have the tendency to overthink.) Yet some days, or some moments, I just feel like being selfish and saying "yea I'm part of the 'everyone' who's fighting a harder battle".

It is beyond me why our priorities change (for the worse) as we age (mature yes / no / not sure?). I was talking to Rachel (who always makes me feel like there is hope and that I'm not fighting the battle alone. And makes me feel really comfortable and at peace) and it's a common view we hold, that too many people are just so fixated on worthless things. That claim might be a bit too harsh, but what I mean is that, people are sacrificing important stuff for the less worthy things (at least in my opinion, which I firmly believe in). This reminds me of what Jim Elliot said: he is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. While he was presumably referring to eternity when making that statement, I find it applicable to many aspects in life as well.

I actually feel better after this incoherent blabber. Good night :) Bilveer's readings can wait till tomorrow.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me

Yet most of the time, words hurt so much more than anything else. I guess it's a lesson to 1. be kind with my words because they really, really can hurt and 2. to be stronger and not be affected by what others say - intentional or not. To think that I would have learnt to cope better after fighting the same problem for so many years but apparently I've not.

I've been feeling so tired these days but I ask why and I can't give myself a satisfactory answer. It's like, I don't even know what I'm busy with. When I look at people who are so involved in this and that, I don't think that I should be feeling this tired. But I am.
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Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Though I'm worn
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Direction, motivation, gratitude.
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Apologies for a very fragmented post and, good night :)