20

I know, I know... birthdays are but a social construct. Nevertheless, I gladly accept this social construct as it is ahaha.

Blessed beyond words this birthday. I honestly didn't expect much of a celebration because everyone is so busy everywhere, literally everywhere. Then everyone came and surprised me (': (and I love surprises!) And I received so many cards! (I love cards!) And had so many cakes! (I super love cakes too!) And I met friends whom I haven't seen for really, really long (Who doesn't love the feeling of catching up with old friends).

This post is revealing my bimbotic / unthinking side, but well, what's a personal blog for if it's not personal, right?

I think I've come to a point in life (note: I'm not using age as a benchmark here) whereby I know who are friends I want to and can keep for life - and many of them appear in the photos above.

Thankful for friendships :) 

Off to work (amidst frequent coughing fits sigh) ~~~

Resolutions

So this year, I have decided to draw up a beautifully decorated "2016 Resolutions" and it's hanging in my room. I have to say that the effort put into making it has made me more determined in actually sticking to my resolutions.

Yet 16 days into 2016, I find myself constantly being challenged - which, honestly, isn't surprising. They are resolutions for a reason: because I felt that these are areas which were inadequate from 2015. Naturally, they are challenges to me and rooms for improvement. Nevertheless, I think it's a commendable effort on my part~ (if self-praise is any form of praise at all HAHA)


--

Anyway, a short quote from The Goldfinch (I haven't been this engrossed in a book for a long, long time - woes of hyperconnectivity~) 

"Often I saw interesting-looking people on the street and thought about them restlessly for days, imagining their lives, making up stories about them on the subway or the crosstown bus... For years, I'd turned those strangers over in my mind, wondering who they were and what their lives were like, and I knew I would go home and wonder about this girl and her grandfather the same way." 

This is me! I mean, I don't think I will ponder for years, but I do enjoy people-watching and observing others' actions / decisions / words / expressions. Sometimes when I grow silent in a crowd, I'm really just watching people (either that or I'm stoning hahaha, which is equally possible) and considering in my mind the whats and whys - especially the whys.


Good night world! Life has been good thus far~ :)

In the blink of an eye

To be very very very honest, I would love to immerse myself in the crowd at Sentosa / Floating Platform / wherever the hype is. But I guess there is value in spending a quiet NYE because this is when you can really reflect :)

In the blink of an eye, 2015 is coming to an end. It has been a really fast year, and a true reflection of "change being the only constant". I started off the year back in NY, except with a slightly different role, then took another job at OV (horrible decision, but it's a learning experience nonetheless). Then I took a short break and did catching up with the overseas bound friends before university started. Then Sem 1 came crashing upon a completely under-prepared me. Like what I've told many friends, it wasn't the academic rigour that took a toll on me, but college life and people / my own emotional issues in general. It was really a test of my faith, But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.                                          2 Corinthians 12:9 
And indeed, His grace and faithfulness never fails to amaze me, even when I'm weak, especially when I'm weak.

And this post is going to degenerate into a listicle because I'm a tad lazy / pressed for time.

What I've Learnt
1. that I have to learn to say no. And by that, I mean being more assertive, having more self-discipline, and having the courage to stand up for whatever I think is right. (i.e. start from saying no to jio-s when I have a pile of unread readings and mid-terms are in a week ahaha)
2. staying happily single. A wise friend once told me that all this talk about "finding your other half" isn't quite about finding a half, but a full actually. Nobody will be a perfect half to complete you - you're always going to find flaws in others. So, in the new year, I shall learn to be a full on my own.
3. make time. for what, you ask. For things that matter to me. For myself. For friends. For family. (This is kinda linked to #1). Start learning to prioritize. Stop wanting everything.
4. being X. Ever since the start of uni, I find myself doubting people and their intentions. This culminated in an ugly incident and (nearly) a friendship lost. So 2016, I am going to start afresh - being an X even in a world full of Ys, being X even with full knowledge that others are Ys.
5. stop procrastinating and finding excuses / being lazy (like right now oops).
6. love more.

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A sketchy post because I'm kinda tired.

Goodbye 2015 ~ Hello 2016! :)

Where the sidewalk ends

Suddenly and inexplicably attracted by poems recently. I never really believed that poems should be analysed / judged, which is probably why I didn't enjoy them as much in the past when they were treated as academic texts.

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.
Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.
Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.
--

Thinking about globetrotting, exploring God's beautiful creations, and seeing life from different perspectives makes me incredibly happy :) :) :)

A brainless post but a positive one nonetheless~~~ :) :) :)

Intermission

It seems like my brain has also gone on a hiatus during the holidays - I find myself thinking about ... essentially nothing. Decorating my walls has been my most productive moment thus far. I call this productive procrastination ^^ And it's actually rather relaxing too! (perhaps I should consider this as a future career, starting with Cinnamon peeps as my customer base ahaha)

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I was just cruelly reminded that I'm turning 20 in approximately one month! I mean, of course I'm aware of that fact but it's still unsettling to think about it. To be honest, I have never really felt very different at those supposed "milestones" - e.g. 16th, 18th. And reasonably so. I mean, it's not like you're gonna find yourself instantaneously more mature once you passed your 16th birthday; these changes develop from daily experiences. So 20th probably won't feel different either.

Nevertheless, I am beginning to feel the weight of adult life slowly creeping upon me - and I feel so unprepared. Apprehensive vs. Excited. Not sure which side I'm inclined towards. People around me are starting to talk about marriage seriously, my Dad says that he'll refuse to pay my phone bills after my graduation (but hahaha I know him better than that~), I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever earn enough to buy a flat / car, or even get hired in the first place. Recently, I've started thinking about what kind of mother I want to be, but that will be a long long time to come~

Unprepared in the sense that 1. I know very well that I'm idealistic - and stubbornly so. In other words, my world is full of colours and fairies (ok maybe not, but you get the drift). This probably won't aid me much in the adult / corporate world where stakes are higher and values / principles are probably less important. 2. I still have no idea what I can do in life! Definitely I have my dreams - I still want to open a cafe, a boutique cafe actually, I still wish to build a school that truly educates - but they all seem so distant and unfeasible right now. These are what I want to do, and they don't seem to coincide with what I can do. And I have no idea what I can do. I can settle with a mundane 9-5 office job but I'm not even sure if I can pull myself through that. Which brings me to 3. I think I still lack the drive and tenacity to wade through adulthood. All these complicated financial issues, messy interpersonal relations, and messier intrapersonal conflicts are ... my goodness.

I'm not worried because I'm sure that my way is paved, but I'm wondering if I will lead a fulfilling life, one that I will look back on with pride. I'll probably chuckle at this post 10 years down the road. Hopefully by then, I'm steering my life well. :)

Good night world~~~

:)

Joy in a picture :)






















I can't express how thankful I am to 1. have organized this and 2. finished it. Thank God :)
An incredibly blessed ending to an insane semester. It's time to reflect and count the blessings that I've forgotten to count this entire month.

愿那赐盼望的 神，因着你们的信，把一切喜乐平安充满你们，使你们靠着圣灵的大能满有盼望。
                                                                                        罗马书 15：13

突然累了

"We see people and things not as they are, but as we are." Anthony De Mello 

So, so true.

The semester is coming to an end, and I honest can't wait for it to end. It's not so much that I didn't enjoy this semester - there were some pretty insane and a million other hilarious moments. But it's been too much of a emotional roller-coaster ride.

Then the quote above, and Inside Out both made me realise that all these emotions that I'm feeling are merely what I made of situations and people. Happiness is a choice.
(On a sidenote, Inside Out is a A+++ movie! Totally worth watching, even though it meant staying up a bit more to study oops.)

3 more papers (but WCT submission and PS paper already made me unbelievably happy haha) and it's time to find myself again. I will put up a better fight next semester, it's a promise.