Love

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7, 13

It's high time to reflect: have I been patient and kind? Have I been selfless and forgiving? Have I always protected, always trusted, always hoped, and always persevered?

These verses are all so familiar, yet so hard to live by.

Good night world.

Le Sens De La Vie

If you never figure out le sens de la vie, can you still lead a meaningful life?
--
I've always wanted to be different, to be myself. Yet somehow I end up being just like anyone else, going through the same system that I've so often criticised.

I speak and write about how everyone should pursue their own dreams - music, arts, literature, photography, anything. But, just as what I learnt this Sunday, when you truly believe in something, you act like you believe it. If you truly believe that a stuntman can carry you across a tightrope safely, you wouldn't mind volunteering for the act. Similarly, if you truly believe that everyone should follow their dreams wholeheartedly, you yourself should do so too.

But I don't.

I dream of building a school in rural areas. I want to teach kids to find purpose in life. I aspire to open a cafe and a social enterprise, to bake for a good cause. I hope to go on frequent mission trips. Yet, the closer I inch towards my career path, the further I seem to walk away from my dreams. It's a mix of worry and helplessness, a mix of personal insecurity and external pressure.
--

Même dans le ciel qui se voile

Il y a toujours une étoile

Qui scintille et nous guide sur le chemin de nos rêves

--

On a sidenote, incredibly excited for The Script!!
And I promise my next post won't be this heavy.

First (3 days) at work

10 things I learnt

1. What a catheter is.
2. Autonomy is not an option but a must.
3. Having a sense of purpose and fulfillment is important to me.
4. The healthcare industry is evidently not my cup of tea.
5. I miss teaching and my classes. On hindsight, it was really a great opportunity.
6. Doing nothing can be exhausting, really.
7. I don't think I have the discipline to survive a 9 to 5 (or 8 to 6 in my case) job.
8. I value meaningful interaction.
9. It is not hard to figure out whether you like a job (or not). And I had better do something I like in university, and after university.
10. And basically, I don't like this job.

Wisdom: the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgement

Decided to re-read my old blog - the really ancient one filled with childish angst and emo posts - because this silly boy kept asking me for access to it. Then I decided to blog hop, but came to a realisation that most of my friends' blogs are either locked or deleted. I came to a conclusion that blogs are like this part of everyone's childhood / adolescence that everyone wishes to hide. It's the case for me as well.

I have yet to find meaning in this blog, and I'm starting to wonder if I can ever find one. The reason for my title is that I realised as I grow older, I become more careful with my words. Maybe because I realise the severity and weight that words can carry - after all, some say that "the pen is mightier than the sword". Perhaps I realise that prudence in choice of words can turn situations well in one's favour. Or possibly, simply because I realise that some things could and should be left unspoken and that there's no need to explain oneself excessively. In any case, I believe that there is a certain wisdom in this. Of course there are many instances that this holds true; like how happy-memories-together.blogspot is filled with crude remarks and seemingly ambiguous messages (I confess, it was an attempt to act cool haha. forgive me I was 12.) To be honest, I hate having to be deliberate with my words, but it's something that creeps on you slowly but eventually.

My mind is perpetually going in circles, it can probably be illustrated with a maze that has multiple entries and exits because many thoughts are running through my head at once and each thought is not quite logical.

Time to get back to my essay: "Write about your career aspiration in less than 300 words". A short but challenging essay for me because I have not quite found the courage to set myself an aspiration / goal.

Goodbye (:

sesquipedalian . {adjective formal} characterized by long words; long-winded.

Partly inspired by Yuan's blog, I've decided to revive this blog, but keep it private. I've always admired people who write well. Not so much grandiloquent, but straightforward and sophisticated in their own way. Like Yuan, Ms. Chan and, well, quite a number of my friends. I think that's what Mlle. Fournier calls "personal style" or "personal voice".

To be honest, I have yet to find a difference between this blog (which is, currently, private) and my diary, but I just had the sudden urge to do this despite having quite a bit of university and scholarship essays to craft. The yellow post-it note listing all my undone essays seems particularly glaring on my wall but I'm just gonna ignore it for now.

I shall leave this post as it is for now, while I try to find meaning in this blog. I'll be back, soon!

(on a sidenote, I do recall being sufficiently proficient at handling HTML to edit my blogskin, but all the codes seem kind of foreign now, so I deleted everything. Age must be catching up on me; I seem to prefer everything nice and simple.)

Hey, don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your head you feel left out

Or looked down on

Just do your best

Do everything you can

And don't you worry what their bitter hearts

Are gonna say

It just takes some time

Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride

Everything, everything will be just fine

Everything, everything will be all right, all right

(:

I was just browsing through a few blogs, and I realised that fiona, sabrina and kellynn's blogs are still - more or less- active! (:

Thus, decided to post. Doesn't really matter if no one reads; this blog could be like my secret hideout place or something huh (oh reminds me of The Secret Garden o; )

-

Sometimes, the more you try to convince yourself, the more you doubt it.

Insecurity